My Cultural Experience
By Rilda A. Oe. Taneko
IFP Fellow
I had an experience related to culture clash. It happened four years ago. At that time, I went to Al Wasi’i, a mosque in my province (Lampung Province, Indonesia) to visit my friend of an Islamic youth organization attached to the mosque. My friend introduced me to some of her friends from the organization. There was no problem when I met her female friends; we kissed each other on the cheeks. But when she introduced me to her male friends, I was a bit shocked because they refused to shake my hand. They just folded their hands in front their faces. They did not even make an eye contact with me. At the time I thought that they did not like me. I felt I was being rejected by the community. I felt that I could not be a part of the group and I did not know why. What was wrong with my gesture, or with me, in general? I felt very embarrassed. My friend knew what I felt; suddenly she grabbed my hands, and led the conversations.
After a while, my friend told me it is just the way they respected me as a female friend. It was then I realized that there are multiple forms of culture; even among people sharing identical national and religions backgrounds. There are several cultural dimensions which caused this incident. First, it was caused by universalism factors. I was not aware of the others’ behavior patterns, and I also implemented my own patterns because I thought that other people’s behavioral standards are the same as mine. Second, the misunderstanding was caused by various interpretations of the teachings of Islam which can lead to differences in behavior patterns. For instance, touching the hands of opposite sex is strictly forbidden according to some Islamic spiritual leaders (Ulama). Yet, some say it is allowed as long as there is no sexual desire accompanying the action.
Last but not least, it was also caused by gender roles. Some cultures treat female and male differently. In my culture, friendships with the opposite sex should not be as close as those of the same sex. Male can touch his male friends, or female can touch her female friends. But male touching his female friends or vice versa is not allowed according to the culture. This cultural view is consistent with the Islamic values as my culture is very much influenced by Islam.
This experience taught me to be more careful and aware with other people’s behavior traditions. I realized that they cannot change their behavior to mine; so I am the one who has to adapt. When facing with the same situation again I will kiss the female twice on the cheeks and fold my hands when introduced to males.
Rilda A. Oelangan
Group II-PAT
I had an experience related to culture clash. It happened four years ago. At that time, I went to Al Wasi’i, a mosque in my province (Lampung Province, Indonesia) to visit my friend of an Islamic youth organization attached to the mosque. My friend introduced me to some of her friends from the organization. There was no problem when I met her female friends; we kissed each other on the cheeks. But when she introduced me to her male friends, I was a bit shocked because they refused to shake my hand. They just folded their hands in front their faces. They did not even make an eye contact with me. At the time I thought that they did not like me. I felt I was being rejected by the community. I felt that I could not be a part of the group and I did not know why. What was wrong with my gesture, or with me, in general? I felt very embarrassed. My friend knew what I felt; suddenly she grabbed my hands, and led the conversations.
After a while, my friend told me it is just the way they respected me as a female friend. It was then I realized that there are multiple forms of culture; even among people sharing identical national and religions backgrounds. There are several cultural dimensions which caused this incident. First, it was caused by universalism factors. I was not aware of the others’ behavior patterns, and I also implemented my own patterns because I thought that other people’s behavioral standards are the same as mine. Second, the misunderstanding was caused by various interpretations of the teachings of Islam which can lead to differences in behavior patterns. For instance, touching the hands of opposite sex is strictly forbidden according to some Islamic spiritual leaders (Ulama). Yet, some say it is allowed as long as there is no sexual desire accompanying the action.
Last but not least, it was also caused by gender roles. Some cultures treat female and male differently. In my culture, friendships with the opposite sex should not be as close as those of the same sex. Male can touch his male friends, or female can touch her female friends. But male touching his female friends or vice versa is not allowed according to the culture. This cultural view is consistent with the Islamic values as my culture is very much influenced by Islam.
This experience taught me to be more careful and aware with other people’s behavior traditions. I realized that they cannot change their behavior to mine; so I am the one who has to adapt. When facing with the same situation again I will kiss the female twice on the cheeks and fold my hands when introduced to males.
Rilda A. Oelangan
Group II-PAT